“I think you’re a really cute girl that I’m crazy about but I do have those times where I think you’re too young for me.. I feel like a sick old guy or something… I also feel like I’m so ugly, I could only get someone younger than me and in high school… Only little girls like me… But I am crazy about you and I enjoy being with you… You are adorable and funny.”

“I hope you someday realize what I see.”

I need to accept change. This week, I’ve been a  really good girlfriend. No jealousy issues got in the way. Well, they did but they were little. I didn’t have an emotional breakdown like before. I’ve been doing a good job.

It hit me that I’m getting older. I need to start loving myself. I need to trust that everything will work out on it’s own. Things happen for a reason. I just need to be happy, that’s all.

From me to my boyfriend:

“Baby, I love you so much. I love spending time with you. I can never stop staring at you. You’re so amazing, I’m blessed to have you as my boyfriend and bestfriend. I love the way you smile, laugh, and think. I think you are so hot and attractive and you can get me wet very easily. Just thinking about you drives me crazy. I know I’m a big fat jealousy monster. I’m really trying to outgrow my foolishness. I take everything to seriously and I know that I shouldn’t. I’m really trying to change, I hope you’re noticing. There will always be hot girls around for the rest of our lives. But they have nothing on me. I know there’s a balance for everything. I’m completely aware that I’m not drop dead gorgeous and there are plenty of girls that are much hotter. But they don’t have personalities. I have an awesome personality. And luckily, I have both looks and character. I’m special. And I swear that I’m trying to love myself before I can really let go of all my envy and frustration. Everything will work out, I should trust in that. I love you so much. I regret ever leaving you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not going to make the same mistake again… I know who I want to be with forever, and I konw that sounds so cheesy… But I love you… Nobody else can compare to you. <3″

I love my boyfriend.

Just forget everything, jbenetez. Prepare for it. Just freaking don’t give a flying fuck anymore.

So I’m planning not to say I love you until he says it. I’m tired of him not being clingy. It’s just not the same. And if I don’t feel the love back, I don’t have anything to work with! I never feel like he misses me… And when we fight, I’m constantly waiting for him. And when he feels like talking to me or texting me, I answer back so quickly.

I just don’t feel like how I used to feel. I miss that.

I don’t know what I want anymore. I just know that I’m dying to be happy.

“No, I think it’s one who flat out assumes that everyone is better than her. You try to make yourself better than those you envy, which doesn’t help at all. Instead, you should just stop giving a crap. Let everyone do their thing as you do yours. People WILL disappoint you, but I guess it’s for the best. You don’t need to worry about anything, because in the end, you’re way better than those whom you envy. Just… Don’t care. Simple. You’ve done it before, do it again.”

I screwed up today. I really need to see a psycologist as soon as possible.

There are ugly girls that have more confidence than me.

Today, I begin my treatement of whitening strips.

Wish me luck.

After the weekend, I feel bummed, depressed.

This is not supposed to happen.

I stumbled upon The Happiness Project and I’m diggin’ it.

Tips for happiness, jbenetez? Of course, I would love some.

Things I Need To Start Doing:

1. Begin a daily one-sentence journal.
2. Exercise daily.
3. Act Energetic – it will influence your energy level.
4. Make my bed everyday.
5. Wear sunscreen everyday.
6. Wear my seatbelt everyday.
7. Jump up and down a few times everyday.
8. Pick up one object i the wrong place and put it in the right place everyday.
9. Go for a ten minute walk outside everyday.
10. Eat a fruit or vegetable everyday.
11. Laugh hard at least once everyday.
12. Always exercise on Mondays.

Most importantly, The Twelve Personal Commandments.

1. Be Gretchen.
2. Let it go.
3. Act the way I want to feel.
4. Do it now.
5. Be polite and be fair.
6. Enjoy the process.
7. Spend out.
8. Identify the problem.
9. Lighten up.
10. Do what ought to be done.
11. No calculation.
12. There is only love.

“You’re not happy unless you think you are.”

“______ and I were talking about you today! She was talking about how you’re so good at English and I said ‘She’s good at life too’ and then we both said that ‘Jbenetez is awesome! She rocks at everything!’”

Feels good to know that people think I’m awesome.

I enrolled in a gym today along with my brother. I’m going to start Monday. Rodeo is on Sunday and tomorrow shall be spent with my grandmother and homework. Plus, I’m gonna starve myself for food at the carnival on Sunday, I’m so excited!

I cleaned my room! Ican see my bed and my floor completely now, haha.

I need to start being happy for others. I need to stop being jealous, I don’t want my relationship to fail. C’mon WordPress, you believe in me right? Do you think I’m beautiful? YOU BETTER SAY YES.

I’m in such a good mood. Hakuna matata. I shouldn’t spend my time worring about my boyfriend, he hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him. He’s a good boy. <3

CANTO 30

1. Adam was being a fraud as he was making false money. Making all these coins will corrupt the community because wealth is easier to obtain. Also, if someone bought something with fake money without knowing, they would be in trouble with the law. It is a sin to be a fraud and that was who Adam became. It is a deep offense because he is conscious of what he is doing.

2. Dante, the poet, emphasizes on the quarrel between the two shades because it brings out their personalities. For the shades, it reveals that they have not gotten over their sins. Even though they are both in Hell, they are still able to put themselves above others. Dante makes it comical and interesting as he describes the fight between the two. They shout at each other and finding faults in them but they are just the same. This fight also reminds the readers that Dante, the pilgrim, is human.

3. As the two shades argue, Dante, the pilgrim, stands and watches them. He is absorbed and amazed by the quarrel and stands there observing them. This behavior disgusts Virgil because he does not support Dante’s interest in the fight. Dante is supposed to look away and feel the same disgust and disappointment in the shades, just like Virgil. Dante realizes his mistake and feels ashamed. Virgil advises him to not pay attention because it is just a waste of time. This reminds the readers that Dante is still human.

CANTO 31

1. During this Canto, the pilgrim and Dante enter the last circle of Hell. They are still in Fraud section of Hell. Upon entering, the pilgrim notices towers at a distance. As they get closer, he notices that they are giants, not towers. This goes to show that evil in people who commit fraud is hard to detect.  Because they are in the lowest part of Hell, this must mean these frauds are greater. Because they were so well in committing fraud, it was most likely not easy on Earth for people to identify the evil inside of them. They are very deceitful.

2. Nimrod created and instructed the Tower of Babel due to pride and envy. For his punishment, he forever speaks gibberish. This is significant because during the building of the Tower of Babel, the workers were blessed with random tongues. Because everyone was speaking a different language, nobody could understand anyone. This incident hindered the building of the tower and it was never completed. His punishment is similar because nobody is able to understand what he says. He is only good for blowing the horn, according to Virgil.

3. Dante, the poet, describes these giants to be huge and fierce. They are filled with the want and the will to do evil. Dante even adds that he is thankful that they are extinct on Earth because they are capable of doing much harm and evil. Fortunately, there is something holding them back. Dante continuously describes these giants being chained down as part of their punishment. This is significant because no matter how evil the creature is, goodness will always overpower them.

CANTO 32

1. As the pilgrim enters this icy place in this Canto, he is horrified at the sight of heads emerging from the surface. He accidentally kicks one shade in the face and this angers the shade. The shade’s anger interests the pilgrim and he returns to learn more about the sinner. The sinner fails to give his identity because he is not proud of where he turned out to be. He is ashamed and the pilgrim gets very upset. He is in Hell, the shade needs to accept his sin and take credit for what he committed. This frustrates the pilgrim, on top of already feeling no pity for these sinners. He grabs the shade by his hair and tries to get his identity out of him. This behavior is appropriate because it shows that he is learning to look down on sin. I support his violent behavior because I also believe that the sinners need to at least accept their sin and be responsible.

2. All the sinners in this circle do not want to be remembered back on Earth because they are shamed of their wrong-doings. When the shade did not reveal his identity to the pilgrim, another shade gives the identity. This is a perfect example of the reason they were put in this circle in the first place. This section is for traitors and revealing the shade’s name was betraying the shade that did not want to be known. In anger, the revealed sinner names the other people in the circle with him for revenge. These sinners repeat their earthly sins, they will never stop being traitors.

CANTO 33

1. Ugolino blames his sin on Ruggieri. Because of his starvation and grief, he resulted in eating his children. He describes his actions as pathetic and forced. What kind of father would eat his dead children and grandchildren? This is an example of a connection between family. This also involves a connection between party because Ugolino’s son-in-law betrayed his people in the war.

2. In this Canto, Dante preaches about the evils in various Italian cities. He claims that the world needs to be rid of all these evil men that take place in these places. He supports this by mentioning the multiple sinners that come from Italian cities. He even mentions one that is so evil that he is still alive and already has a place in Hell. He assumes the role of prophet by telling the sinners why sin is bad and that we need to rid the world of it.

3. Doria is not physically dead yet, but his soul is in Hell down in Circle 9. His soul arrived here with his accomplices after the murder of Zanche. Obviously this shows that he did not repent or try to come to term with goodness. Because of this, his soul is placed in Tolomea while a demon controls his physical body on Earth. This is surprising because we have no come across someone who is still placed on Earth. This is significant because it emphasizes on how sin is wrong and directs you on the path for Hell.

CANTO 34

1. Dante, the poet, portrays Satan much larger than the giants and has three heads. He was also described to also have multicolored faces and bat wings. It is very necessary to make Lucifer ugly because that is what he represents. He represents pain and suffering, nothing majestic. To make him grand is not wise because he doesn’t represent anything grand besides committing sin that was very grand. He represents something that was once beautiful and now grotesque due to sin. This can be compared to evil and good because evil, Dante considered, was tainted good.

2.  Satan cannot move because he is stuck in ice. This is symbolizes that he no longer has freedom. He abused it and having it removed from him is part of his punishment. People who betray their lords should be immersed in ice, according to Judecca. This is a comment on the consequence of human sinfulness. This also includes the consumption of the three greatest traitors. They are forever in the most painful pain and are a symbol to those who sin.

3. To get out of Hell, Dane and Virgil had to go down. Frightened, Dante thinks he’s going lower into Hell. As they go down, Dante realizes that they have gotten out of Hell and they are above it. This shows that one needs to go all the way down to Hell to continue their route to salvation. To “go all the way down to Hell” means to learn more about sin and the background of it. It is shown through the pilgrim as he learns more about sin and does not feel pity for the people who committed such acts. He grows spiritually and this is important in going to Heaven.

Sunday, I bought a necklace and he bought me shades. I feel the need to accessorize.

These are the things I need to buy from WalMart. Yeah, I know. WalMart. Blah.

>Miley Cyrus & Max Azria – Juniors Stripe Jersey Pocket Skirt – $8

>Miley Cyrus & Max Azria – Juniors Vest Cardigan – $9